I used to wear pink like a badge. Soft, fragile, girlish, like the world owed me something for just existing. Like pink was supposed to shield me from the rawness of life, to cushion my fall, to make me sweet and palatable. It didn’t. It doesn’t.

Losing my pink didn’t happen with a sudden, dramatic moment of realization. It was slow. It was painful. It came piece by piece, every time someone tried to tell me I was too much, too loud, too aggressive. Every time I was expected to smile through the bullshit. Every time I was told to soften myself, to be “nice,” to shrink into a corner and make room for everyone else’s comfort.

You know what happens when you do that for too long? You break. You get angry. You get sharp, and not in the cute way. You start to tear yourself apart, and that pink, that soft shell you were supposed to stay in, starts to burn off. It’s like you shed your skin, and underneath is the truth.

The truth is ugly. It’s ugly because no one warns you that being a woman means being constantly stripped of your humanity. It’s ugly because every time you try to be anything more than what they expect, you’re told you’re too much. Too angry. Too real. Too messy.

I used to think there was something wrong with me for not fitting into the mold. Maybe I wasn’t the right kind of woman. Maybe I was too much of a person.

Losing my pink wasn’t a loss at all. It was freedom. I stopped trying to be what they wanted. I stopped giving a shit. There’s nothing pretty about it. There’s no soft landing. It’s all raw, all primal. It’s being told to be small, and saying f that. It’s being told to be quiet, and screaming until your throat is raw.

I don’t wear pink anymore. Not because it’s a color, but because it’s a lie. Pink is for the women who think they can stay soft forever. Pink is for the women who think that by playing the game, they’ll win. But the game is rigged, and the only way to win is to stop playing.

So yeah, I lost my pink. I lost it in the fire of everything that tried to break me. And now, I’m not looking back.